Every so often in this huge and marvellous world we are all equally apart of, we cross paths with an individual that makes us feel a certain way. A feeling of anger, pain and or sadness. A feeling that generates misery. This type of individual almost always wins. If only because we find ourselves constantly distracted by the thoughts they provoked us to generate. Maybe its thoughts of hate, thoughts of anger and even thoughts of vengeance. Either way, its all wasted time. They probably got what they wanted from you and now you’re just spinning your wheels.
It’s never an easy thing. Processing the fact that someone wronged you. No matter how small or how large, its almost always a shock to our systems. Maybe you trusted them, maybe you had no reason to suspect them. Life has a way of being unexpected. I myself was recently taken advantage of in a way where I worked hard for someone, and got majorly screwed over. I didn’t get paid, and I didn’t even get closure.
When I say closure, I literally mean that I don’t actually know if its over with. theres a very small percentage of me that thinks “Maybe he’ll get back to me and I’ll still get paid?”. I know that isn’t likely, and all of my support structures agree it isn’t either. Yet I still find a way to try and hope and no let go. I want my money. Who wouldn’t, but almost more than that I want the closure. An email saying “I screwed you over, haha” would even be acceptable. Just so I know.
Its the waiting that kills you. Yet I won’t lose hope or even further destroy my trust for the outside world. Yet I am exhausted. I worked my ass off for this prick and I have nothing to show for it. Now he’s going to take my work and put his name on it, and theres nothing I can do about it. I’m angry and I’m disappointed. Most of all though, I’m ready to move on. Thats what this is.
I’m taking steps forward.