I’m Here, Often

I – The Wolf

In a wooded clearing it was snowing gently. Light, soft flakes gracefully floating from heaven to earth; their final resting place. There was a stream that ran through the clearing. Right down the middle, end to end. At the centre of the clearing lapping cautiously at the liquid was a wolf. Unlike others of its kind this one had an odd sense of awareness about her. She seemed to understand and maintained a strange air of love and despair about her. Silently lapping at the stream, slowly and gently. She was alone in the clearing, a wolf void of a clan. Guided by her unwavering strength, compassion and independence. Her paws were muddy and eyes fierce. This wolf had seen her fair share of battles and wore her fair share of scars. She’d been hurt, she’d done the hurting. Pain had no hold over her anymore. Her caution told of preparation. Her silence was a warning. She wasn’t expecting opposition, she didn’t feel she needed too but she was always ready to receive it.

II – Her

Tears stung her eyes with a bitter burn. Blurring her vision of a blue sky and the beaming sun. It was a beautiful day yet she had no words. The day was one of possibility yet she was at a loss. There was a gentle breeze that smoothed out the surroundings and lightly kissed her delicate skin. It was somewhat soothing. She felt heavy, like an anchor strapped to an already sinking ship slowly adrift at sea. She was tense and at a seemingly unavoidable breaking point. After so long of succumbing to a second rate standard it seemed to have become a primary sub standard. No words, and she was at a loss.

The sunglasses over her eyes hid nothing for her makeup betrayed her, running down her cheeks and the pain was prevalent. There was no seeking answers in the stars or begging the gods. The moment was just that; a moment. Unexpected, uncontrolled and undesired; yet not unbelievable. She stood right there in front of him, in shock, and he couldn’t have been further away. Through sunglasses and tears her eyes were locked on his, yet his were locked on anything but hers.
“I don’t understand, why?”
She half pleaded to him. Needing, wanting and craving a response.

He looked around him, taking his time. She wasn’t even sure he’d provide an answer at all. She almost didn’t want him too . She figured, if he never answered her she would never have to know. He would never completely disappear and nothing would have to change. He could still be hers, and she his. He’d be far away but still here in some way.
“I just…”
He had started to speak, breaking the dreamlike silence, yet trailed off into silence again.
Finding her inner ferocity she dug in her claws and drew her fangs. Desiring to strike before him she gave it everything she could. Lying through her teeth and hating every word she ripped into him.
“Fuck you, you don’t love me that’s fine. I’m gone, you can come to me, I’m done chasing after you.”

He looked both stunned and confused as she turned and walked away. Quickly, before her tears would break the rage and facade. He’ll follow me, she thought. He has too, he must. She walked straight ahead down the road and took the first left she could. She’d never been down this street before, but it didn’t matter. It just needed to serve a purpose. So she stopped and waited. For him, her once knight in shining armour, to ride again and rescue the fair maiden, steed and all. She waited.

III – The Maiden

The waiting had drawn out to unbearable lengths. Why hadn’t he returned to me? The thought echoed through her mind. Carefully poised in the doorway, draped in a silk sheer robe and nothing else, The Maiden awaited the return of her magnificent Knight on his royal steed. Her jaw had begun to throb, the ballgag having been in place for some time. She unbuckled it with reluctance and massaged the sore spot. Hesitating in the doorway a moment, she succumbed to defeat and turned away, shutting it behind her.

Withdrawing into the kitchen she stood at the bar sipping straight from. Bottle of vodka left on the counter. It was from the night before, a lonely lovers self pity party. The burn livened her up ever so slightly and she felt a touch better although still disappointed and unsatisfied.
“How hard is it to find a good reliable fuck these days?”
She wondered that aloud to an empty room and her vodka. Which she took another large swig from as her free hand had started exploring her own body. Closing her eyes she fantasized of the knight and his steed. They were both so well endowed and even better behaved under her direct commands. Satisfying every wish and filling all her desires. How she wished to relive the experience, it burned in her mind and aroused her senses. She could feel herself dampen as the thoughts progressed.

Taking another long draw from bottle, polishing it off, she dropped it to the floor and wandered into the bedroom across the hall. Resolved to enjoy herself at least if no one else would. The bed was still a mess from the last encounter yet she didn’t mind, it made her feel desired. The reality was lonely and disparaging. Sitting on the bed she had one hand between her thighs and the other ran through her hair. Closing her eyes she imagined the Knight and all his skills. The tension was building and her free hand caressed her flesh and then the messy comforter. Throwing her head back in pleasure she glimpsed her dresser with its collection of toys on the top.

She’d had a wicked idea cross her mind and wanted to play it out. Pausing her activities for a spell she rose from the bed and sucked on the previously engaged fingers. Approaching the dresser with its fortunes she gazed over the devices. From outside her room she heard some form of noise, a calling or song of some sort. Something to the tune of salvation she imagined. Irritated by the idea she shook it off and continued eyeing the goods. Spying an old favorite of hers with many fond memories attached, she delicately retrieved it and turned back to the bed. Laying on her back with her eyes on the ceiling she started slow, the build up being her favorite part. While one hand worked, newly equipped, the other massaged her breasts. In a haze of pleasure he could swear she saw a shadow. Stopping again she saw she was right.
“What the fuck!”

She cried out, quickly halting her activities and pulling on her blanket, covering her body. The figure in the doorway was a young woman, close to her own age and draped in white. She was beautiful and seemed to glow.
“Who the fuck are you?”
The Maiden demanded, head swimming from passion and confusion, blinking rapidly as if to dispel the intruding visage before her. Still not a word was uttered yet the being before her eyed her curiously, with wings on her back and sadness on her face.
“What are you doing here? Hello? Fucking answer me.”
The Maiden was furious, confused, and her head was pounding with static. The young woman took a step towards her and managed a weak smile.
“I’m here to save you sister.”
The Maiden still in shock backed away from her slowly advancing alleged saviour.
“I don’t need to be saved thanks, now get the fuck out”
The alleged saviour neared the edge of the bed. The light from the window pierced the elegant white robe and the saviours silhouette caught The Maidens eye.There was a change in her now as she saw something she liked.
“Unless of course by save… You mean from being alone…”

Pain briefly flashed across the saviours face at this advance.
“No, I cannot, you must be saved, sister”
The Maiden was now angered and sat upright sharply, the blanket slipped down revealing her chest.
“Well if you aren’t here to fuck, then leave me alone”
The saviour took a small step back and The Maiden noticed stains of dirt on her knees for the first time. Smirking she crossed her arms and locked eyes with her saviour.
“Ah, I see. Already had your fun somewhere else. I get it, I’m not your type. So leave”
Spitting her last few words flatly, The Maiden leaned back against her wall and reached for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. The saviour took another step forward then sat on the end of the bed.
“Sister, I am an angel sent her to rescue you from yourself. Can’t you see?”

Scoffing, The Maiden drew a cigarette, lit it and took a drag. Laughing the smoke out she shook her head.
“What I see, is a hot and misguided, wannabe slut who should spend less time pissing me off and more time on her knees. Are you lost little girl?”
The angel frowned for a moment yet still stared at The Maiden. Then the angel climbed on the bed and slowly made her way up to The Maiden. Still leaning against the wall she watched the angel as she got closer. Once finally beside The Maiden, The angel reached her hand up and caressed her face gently taking the cigarette from her lips and placing it in the ashtray on the nightstand. Then stroking The Maidens hair the two women were locked on each other’s eyes and an inch apart.
“Yes, I am lost, as are you sister. Let’s go home”

The angel placed her lips on The Maidens, gently and passionately, kissing her. The Maiden, surprised by this action felt suddenly lighter and warm. The passion grew from their locked lips and a burning white light filled the room. When it died down they were gone. No Maiden, No Angel. Just fleeting creations.

IV – Her II

She waited for what felt like years. Decades and even centuries had passed while she waited. He just had to come for didn’t he? Wouldn’t he? She felt the hot tears run down her cold cheeks for days, even weeks. Standing there on some foreign unknown street, half her life passed her by. In the middle of pure uncertainty. Yet somewhere inside she could feel a union of sorts. As if two pieces of herself had returned, fractured parts made whole. It woke her, at least a little, and she realized what she should do.

Taking off the sunglasses she wiped her eyes dry with her sleeve and straightened up. She had done this many times for him before on his terms. When things weren’t working and even when they were. She’d been here often, and knew it was time to let go. Still heartbroken she took a few deep breaths and allowed herself to believe, that somehow she’d be alright.

Gathering her resolve she put the shades back over her eyes and took her first step forward. She walked straight ahead and took a right. Back on familiar ground and he was gone. It was at that exact moment, she knew she would never see him again. It didn’t seem to matter, she knew she’d be okay. The sun was shining and the sky was blue. The night had yet to arrive. She smiled to herself, she was no longer chasing a dream. That was the end.


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