Instant Poetry Vol. 1

This past week I posted three poems on my Instagram account and wanted to share them here. I am very proud of them and hope you find something in them that moves you. If not, then I did my best and I wish you well. If you do, then stay a while and maybe we can inspire each other.

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As a writer I typically always carry a pen on me regardless of whether or not I’ll actually use it, I just believe I’ll always need it, I usually have a little notepad with me too. In the days of smartphones and tablets though I find myself using my phone now more than ever to jot down story ideas or concepts and even to craft full projects. I still absolutely adore the feeling of pen/pencil to paper, but it does feel good being able to share something with you so easily.

Thanks for reading, may these find you well and may your heart beat strong. Be kind to one another, love deeply and be weird.

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Lethargy Breeds Complacency

Hello? Hello from the other side? Hey?

Hi. I suppose its my fault that I haven’t kept you posted in over a month. I also suppose its my fault that there hasn’t been anything new in the way of vlogs or music in maybe even longer… The reality is I have to be honest with you and say that I have been incredibly lazy. I don’t know what my excuse is, maybe its the winter season and the fact that it gets harder to stay motivated during the season. Maybe I could say that I have been uninspired and had a lack of motivation to truly create anything. Perhaps I could even convince you that I have been absolutely crazy busy with work and a social life…

The truth is as I have said before, lethargy has bred complacency and it has become very easy to just not participate in this thing that I have started. I know how it seems. I worked very hard for a full year, creating music, writing a book, posting vlogs and keeping this website up to date, and then I bailed out. That is pretty much how it seems and I get that. However, that isn’t the complete reality. I have been silently working on some things in the background. I’ve been working on freelance writing with pretty steady work the last few months, which does take a bit of my time up. I have also been toying with new ideas for new music. Also, I’ve been writing some short films.

This last one may seem different and new, but any of you that know me personally may know that film is where my heart does lay, no matter how far from that I may truly stand at this moment. I want to create films, and I want to express visions. I have been working on that for the past while as well. I acknolwedge that I have been away from here for too long however, and I will do my best to keep updates rolling in. As well, I would like to share something special soon. Whether it be a new vlog, a new song, or even a new story. I want to make sure that I stay motivated. I need to shake off this laziness and be proactive again, so hopefully this is a return to form.

Lastly, to expose myself with a bit more honesty. I constantly struggle with how I may come across. Whether it be in my videos or my songs or even these posts. I worry that the messages I want to get across will be lost in translation, and I’ll come across as disingenuous. I hope that isn’t the case, but I guess that shouldn’t be a fear that guides me. I can’t help though and look at the artists that I respect most and wonder how they do things without fear and come out on top. Then I think that they must have fear, but if they do, it doesn’t come across.

I’ll try to work on that and while I do, I appreciate your understanding and patience.

Thank you.

Crooked Teeth

Hello friends,

I hope everyone is having a wonderful December so far, despite being struck buy a sudden and intense cold bite. I have to say its getting pretty winter-y and I am very excited for the possible cold that is to come.

As I write this I’m procrastinating on a ghost writing free lance project I have to finish by Sunday. Its okay though, I’ve got time, I hope. I think I just need another coffee, and to stop getting distracted by technology. Aka my other projects of a more personal nature.

Anyhow, in the spirit of holiday giving, I would like to share with you a new song I just finished and published. You can find the song in the Tetsuo page, as well as right in this post! I hope you like it, it is intended as the opener song to the album I am currently working on titled ‘From Within’.

Give it a listen, share with your friends, and check back for updates!

Follow me on Soundcloud!

Mess of Me

The day has finally come and now this feels real. For the past year I’ve been working on this website and it finally feels somewhat complete. It started almost three years ago late one night, when I had no idea what I wanted from it. Then I rediscovered it two years later and have been building it up to what it is now. 

What is it now? You may ask, or not, but I’ll tell you anyways. This site is a conduit, a sort of portal, that allows me to present you with my ideas and concepts. The things I’ve created and dreamed up. Whatever it is, I’ve worked hard on it and believe in it. I do it for you, but for me. 

That’s an idea that I realized mattered to me more than I had previously thought. I don’t need the validation, but I want you to feel something. Anything at all even. If something I present you with garners any sort of reaction then I feel accomplished. Even just the tiniest bit proud. 

I’ve kept a lot of this work I’m sharing with you secret for the past year. I’ve shared a lot of it online but not much of it with friends or family. That changes now. With this big site update, I finally allow myself to be openly proud of my work and my passions. I think it’s important, as I continue to grow as both man and artist. That this is the logical next step. 

Without any further ado, I present you with this MessofMe.com. The organization to the chaos. The construct to the concept, and the foundation of the formula. Everything you see represents a part of me. Hopefully you’ll find something here that resonates with you. 

Thank you for your time, and for everything else. You inspire me, and I hope I can inspire you. 

Making Friends…

As I write this, I’m sitting in the back of a cab on my way home after a few pre-Birthday beverages with my best friend. It wasn’t super planned or anything, it was a fairly spontaneous event. Decided on in the last hour of our work shift while preparing to leave for the day. The cab driver is playin baroque music and I’m feeling a pretty good vibe right now. 

My birthday isn’t until Sunday, yet we met up for a bit tonight because my originally planned Saturday night birthday fun had to be postponed. Due to life circumstances, such as my best friends sister having a baby. Damn, birthday theft is hard, especially when it’s done by a newborn. You just can’t get mad at them! 

That wasn’t the only struggle of the week though. It has been a harder one, and I admit I felt pretty low, very disappointed at times this week. However now, as I stand in my doorway with my batman balloon and new lantern and shirt; I can’t help but feel blessed. This is the first year in a long time where I’ve had personal friends who care about my birthday. I’m talking the ones outside of your family and not your partner. I work with both of my friends, and somehow we manage not to piss each other off. 

It’s a rarity that you have a best friend that you can work with, but somehow I’ve been blessed with that. It’s been over two years now, and a new person has entered the workplace. For the first time in the two years we’ve worked there, she fits in, and we’ve sort of adopted her. It’s less two friends and a third wheel now and more three musketeers. How far we’ve come! 

For a long time I didn’t feel worthy of friendship, or as though I couldn’t handle it. I still feel that way sometimes, or find myself thinking that I shouldn’t bother to put in the effort. It’s nights like this, and days like today, where everything goes right and you can’t help but smile; that I feel as though I might finally be doing that thing I always thought I missed out on. 

*See title* 

Came Back Haunted

Alice woke up at the time she had grown accustomed to. It was 8:45 in the morning and the space in the bed beside her was empty, as she had grown accustomed to. It hadn’t always been like that, and wouldn’t much longer be that way. She rolled over in bed and stared at the calendar across from her. Today was the day he came home. It was marked in a black marker and she had memorized the date. Alice hopped out of bed quickly, with a grace and elegance that could only have been rehearsed carefully. Bounding into the ensuite washroom, she leaped into the shower, and began getting ready for the day.

Continue reading “Came Back Haunted”

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A trend Ive noticed for myself personally is a sort of catch and release situation. In the way of, I save money for something, spend the money and then have to save up again. Alternatively it can go more like spend a large amount on credit, then pay it off, lather rinse repeat. The thing about this seems to be that while its avoidable, its a way of life. We as humans are constantly doing it. I know I am.

With that said, whats the solutions? I feel as though its becoming the kind of thing where we as a society don’t like doing things with our time that doesn’t result in money. I myself feel that pull. Its where art can become a confliction at times. I work a full time day job, as I’m sure all of you do too, and then in my off hours i spend many of my free hours creating art. That art has made me zero dollars, but i spend as much time on it as i could on a full time job. So where on earth is the payoff?

I think for me that payoff is in finishing something that your’e proud of, creating something thats beautiful and completely your own design. Yet, at some point isn’t the point of that to make a living? If that isn’t the endgame then what is your time being used for? Im not saying that you cant do these things purely for enjoyment without any desire for fame or fortune. Im merely wondering how that spent time weighs out in comparison. That famous quote exists for a reason ‘If your’e good at something never do it for free’. I agree with that.

So then, as people who are talented and or gifted, why are we always spending our time for zero compensation? Isn’t that just doubling down on a loss? If the banks started asking you to pay $5 for every transaction you made using your card, would it be worth it in the end? I personally love spending my time on my art, and i get endless satisfaction from it. Although, I would definitely love to turn what is currently a hobby, into a career.

Also, I know not everyone wants to make money on their art. That too is acceptable.