I think that like anything, failure is something we can find ourselves accustomed to. I don’t mean to say in the way of accepting failures; but more in the sense of never reaching for something greater, because we accept that we wont succeed. I think I became incredibly comfortable in that realm of acceptance. Became the type of person who wouldn’t reach unless I knew I could fail safely. Didn’t take any risks unless I knew there was a backup plan. I don’t think this is a great way to live.
Thankfully, I’ve found myself slowly but surely digging my way out of that. Like any comfort zone it gets difficult to truly pull yourself from the depths, yet as with most things, it only gets easier the more you actually do it. Though I may seem to be preaching I’m still no daredevil, though I would argue that I’m at least making choices. That in the end is the hardest part I think. Making the choices that actively put you out of your comfort zone and force you to sink or swim.
Without that knee jerk reaction towards survival the human race itself would never have evolved to this point. Let alone me evolving to a level of actually being able to follow through on something. Heres to taking steps, may all of you push yourselves towards something outside your comfort zone. Find that place that you dream of reaching and reach, reach, reach until you grasp.
I feel as though one of the most common problems we face as people is complacency. Getting stale and boring. Otherwise just losing all flavour. So we spend hours of our time trying to make plans and come up with solutions to prevent that disaster. The issue with this seems to be that once we’ve made these plans and come up with these strategies. We want out of them, we retreat within.
Speaking only for myself, I’ve made plans and I’ve had goals, I’ve bailed on myself more times than I can count. It’s just something that happens and I think in an age of infinite possibilities and even greater indecision it becomes a bit of an addiction. Until you never venture outdoors, your friends don’t know where you’ve gone, and you wonder how life passed by so quickly.
That isn’t to say that you have to always have a perfect plan and follow through every single time. It’s just to say that you need to find the place where you no longer wish to retreat. Once you find yourself in a room that you don’t instantly or otherwise wish to leave, then you’ll know where you belong. Even then it’s not a guarantee that you’ll stay there forever, but it’s at least a place to get something done no matter what it is.
I think I’ve found that room in this book I’m writing. I can see and feel an actually tangible path and I’m finding I like it there. Granted diving in %100 is difficult, I’m doing my best to follow through. Every day is a choice to persist and move forward. I like to think I keep moving in the right direction.
It isn’t my intention to teach life lessons, but I think I’ve failed a few times at a few different things. I think that at least entitles me to try and help, the flip side is, this helps me regardless if it helps you. So don’t feel guilty, I know you’re here for me too.
I think that the difference, for me at least, in being a genuine writer or a hobbyist. Is committing full time to a project. It’s loving what you’re doing with all your heart, or just enjoying it. Not to say you can’t love what you enjoy, I think where there’s love there’s enjoyment, but to say that I’ve not always loved what I’ve enjoyed writing.
The other factor for me, which applies only to me, is that I’ve written many short stories but never anything greater. The biggest accomplishment I’ve had in my artistic journey had been writing several short stories that were linked by one character. It wasn’t anything that original or genuinely inspired. I ended up throwing it out.
The best example I can give is that this past February I started writing a book. I had a grand plan and a well thought out concept. I dove right in and committed too it fully. I enjoyed wiring it and had a lot fun, but days started passing where I didn’t write a word. Then weeks, and then a couple months, and I didn’t even think about it.
Then a Saturday afternoon (August 6th) I started typing up what I thought would be a short story. Three weeks later (last night) I finished writing my first full length novel. I loved writing it, the words just flowed and the ideas developed and I’ve never had more fun. I’ve barely slept the past three weeks and I’ve never been more exhausted but it’s felt entirely worth it. I still have many hours worth of editing ahead but I can’t wait.
I think the point that I’m trying to make, is if you have an idea you love then you should let it consume you. With this art we’re all trying to create, we have to give all of ourselves to it, in order for it to truly bloom.
I think what I need to start doing in order to stay motivated is to have a weekly update. Something to let you know what I should be working on, and to remind myself, to work on it. I like to consider how you must feel in regards to the content I’m putting out, and sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re being thought of. With that being said, I do this for me. For me, for you, but for me. I think any artist can understand how that makes sense. If it’s just gibberish, let me know so I can change my websites tag line, much thanks!
Here it goes;
- Happy Now?
- Wind burnt
Two of those are shorter stories with Wind Burnt being a sort of third part to two stories I have already put on the site (Which I will explain later). Suffocate is something special, which I will update you on as it progresses, I really need to spend more time on it.
It has been a slower past couple weeks for me, I caught the Poke Virus as did probably 80% of the world, and I’ve been cat\house sitting for a friend while she’s on vacation. I promise I will be more active in the coming days.
Also, a photo of aforementioned cat will accompany next post, just because why not share a little of my life with you guys. Thanks for checking in with me and I hope you’re all having a fantastic summer so far!