Hello? Hello from the other side? Hey?
Hi. I suppose its my fault that I haven’t kept you posted in over a month. I also suppose its my fault that there hasn’t been anything new in the way of vlogs or music in maybe even longer… The reality is I have to be honest with you and say that I have been incredibly lazy. I don’t know what my excuse is, maybe its the winter season and the fact that it gets harder to stay motivated during the season. Maybe I could say that I have been uninspired and had a lack of motivation to truly create anything. Perhaps I could even convince you that I have been absolutely crazy busy with work and a social life…
The truth is as I have said before, lethargy has bred complacency and it has become very easy to just not participate in this thing that I have started. I know how it seems. I worked very hard for a full year, creating music, writing a book, posting vlogs and keeping this website up to date, and then I bailed out. That is pretty much how it seems and I get that. However, that isn’t the complete reality. I have been silently working on some things in the background. I’ve been working on freelance writing with pretty steady work the last few months, which does take a bit of my time up. I have also been toying with new ideas for new music. Also, I’ve been writing some short films.
This last one may seem different and new, but any of you that know me personally may know that film is where my heart does lay, no matter how far from that I may truly stand at this moment. I want to create films, and I want to express visions. I have been working on that for the past while as well. I acknolwedge that I have been away from here for too long however, and I will do my best to keep updates rolling in. As well, I would like to share something special soon. Whether it be a new vlog, a new song, or even a new story. I want to make sure that I stay motivated. I need to shake off this laziness and be proactive again, so hopefully this is a return to form.
Lastly, to expose myself with a bit more honesty. I constantly struggle with how I may come across. Whether it be in my videos or my songs or even these posts. I worry that the messages I want to get across will be lost in translation, and I’ll come across as disingenuous. I hope that isn’t the case, but I guess that shouldn’t be a fear that guides me. I can’t help though and look at the artists that I respect most and wonder how they do things without fear and come out on top. Then I think that they must have fear, but if they do, it doesn’t come across.
I’ll try to work on that and while I do, I appreciate your understanding and patience.
I think that like anything, failure is something we can find ourselves accustomed to. I don’t mean to say in the way of accepting failures; but more in the sense of never reaching for something greater, because we accept that we wont succeed. I think I became incredibly comfortable in that realm of acceptance. Became the type of person who wouldn’t reach unless I knew I could fail safely. Didn’t take any risks unless I knew there was a backup plan. I don’t think this is a great way to live.
Thankfully, I’ve found myself slowly but surely digging my way out of that. Like any comfort zone it gets difficult to truly pull yourself from the depths, yet as with most things, it only gets easier the more you actually do it. Though I may seem to be preaching I’m still no daredevil, though I would argue that I’m at least making choices. That in the end is the hardest part I think. Making the choices that actively put you out of your comfort zone and force you to sink or swim.
Without that knee jerk reaction towards survival the human race itself would never have evolved to this point. Let alone me evolving to a level of actually being able to follow through on something. Heres to taking steps, may all of you push yourselves towards something outside your comfort zone. Find that place that you dream of reaching and reach, reach, reach until you grasp.
I feel as though one of the most common problems we face as people is complacency. Getting stale and boring. Otherwise just losing all flavour. So we spend hours of our time trying to make plans and come up with solutions to prevent that disaster. The issue with this seems to be that once we’ve made these plans and come up with these strategies. We want out of them, we retreat within.
Speaking only for myself, I’ve made plans and I’ve had goals, I’ve bailed on myself more times than I can count. It’s just something that happens and I think in an age of infinite possibilities and even greater indecision it becomes a bit of an addiction. Until you never venture outdoors, your friends don’t know where you’ve gone, and you wonder how life passed by so quickly.
That isn’t to say that you have to always have a perfect plan and follow through every single time. It’s just to say that you need to find the place where you no longer wish to retreat. Once you find yourself in a room that you don’t instantly or otherwise wish to leave, then you’ll know where you belong. Even then it’s not a guarantee that you’ll stay there forever, but it’s at least a place to get something done no matter what it is.
I think I’ve found that room in this book I’m writing. I can see and feel an actually tangible path and I’m finding I like it there. Granted diving in %100 is difficult, I’m doing my best to follow through. Every day is a choice to persist and move forward. I like to think I keep moving in the right direction.
It isn’t my intention to teach life lessons, but I think I’ve failed a few times at a few different things. I think that at least entitles me to try and help, the flip side is, this helps me regardless if it helps you. So don’t feel guilty, I know you’re here for me too.
I don’t often talk a lot to others about what it is I do or pursue. I like to keep things to myself and maybe one or two of my closest friends and loved ones. It’s a safety blanket, and I’ve seen too many of my friends make promises to succeed at something and then cringe and feel bad for themselves when they don’t achieve what they claimed they would.
I don’t know which is worse.
To never make a statement about your dreams, or over state them. I myself have a vast amount of things I’d like to accomplish in my life. There are many things I want to do and achieve, levels of success I dream of reaching. I’ve learned something lately though.
I had beers with a friend last night, someone who was vaguely aware of one of my artistic pursuits. As I began to open up a little more about what I truly wanted (maybe I owe a thank you to the Phillips blue buck I was sipping) it turned out we had similar goals and it was mentioned that we should work together. So maybe I’ve been close to the right idea but hadn’t perfected the execution.
I think I’m getting closer to something.
Share an idea, find likeminded individuals who dare to dream and create something. Anything. This world we live in, this age we’re apart of is the perfect time to start. Anything is possible. Take a blank page and make it beautiful.