A Song to Cry To

This is my fourth attempt at writing this line. I think thats because I strongly dislike starting the conversation. Even here, by myself, to a potentially non-existent audience. Which is a very good point as well right? If there is no audience then why write. I am sure some of you are asking why I write these at all. Maybe I bore you, or maybe my writing is boorish. Either way. For those of you actually reading this, thank you. Oh, and I probably like you. Maybe a lot, or maybe only a little. Part of that is because you’re choosing to read this instead of something else which would probably be more rewarding.

Something I like to do a lot is make statements. I also love asking questions. However if any of you were to ask me whether or not I enjoy either of those you’ll probably get a response similar to “No, I don’t like either of those. Why?”.  Which is an entirely perfect example of who I am. At least at this exact moment or at least who I pretend to me. Its kind of fucked really. (Sorry mom, bad language is bad.)

The truth is, while I claim to dislike people, conversation and small talk. I actually like those things. Its probably some deep seated fear of abandonment or failure that prevents me from reaching out or actually participating. I’m trying though, and learning and growing (you know, grown up stuff). This really does feel kind of syrupy and sweet though doesn’t it? As if I’m writing some tell-all in the hopes that any one of you will relate and think that I’m interesting. Unless that comment is just me self-deprecating in the hopes of also relating and hooking you in because of some twisted fascination you may have with people who talk too much about feelings.

Regardless. There was a point to me starting this thing, and even a point to the title. If you bare with me I’m sure we will make it that far.

Okay.

I guess I just wanted to paint a picture. It’s sometimes thought of that crying is a sign of a weakness or sadness or any other thing that is anything other than beautiful. I disagree with that. A lot, and for specific reasons. As I’m sure a lot of you know, its an incredible release of emotional build up and can be extraordinarily therapeutic. Also, Its healthy. Whether you’re genuinely sad or not, its sometimes just the thing you need. I don’t necessarily mean that you should garner a habit for it and stock up on kleenex. Just that maybe if for some reason you feel a pull in that direction maybe you follow it.

I myself fight it, instinctually. Sometimes it seeps through and other times its bottled.  Either way, something I appreciate as I grow older (cliché, I know) is when you find a song that just splits your heart open and eases out those tears. I’m sure every one can relate to that. Thanks for listening, or reading I suppose.

Life is exactly what you make it. The only things truly in your control are your actions. and your reactions.

Sorry if I come off as pretentious. I promise that in life I’m more deer in the headlights and less modern day wanna be philosopher.

 

Advertisements

The Ones Without Feeling

Every so often in this huge and marvellous world we are all equally apart of, we cross paths with an individual that makes us feel a certain way. A feeling of anger, pain and or sadness. A feeling that generates misery. This type of individual almost always wins. If only because we find ourselves constantly distracted by the thoughts they provoked us to generate. Maybe its thoughts of hate, thoughts of anger and even thoughts of vengeance. Either way, its all wasted time. They probably got what they wanted from you and now you’re just spinning your wheels.

It’s never an easy thing. Processing the fact that someone wronged you. No matter how small or how large, its almost always a shock to our systems. Maybe you trusted them, maybe you had no reason to suspect them. Life has a way of being unexpected. I myself was recently taken advantage of in a way where I worked hard for someone, and got majorly screwed over. I didn’t get paid, and I didn’t even get closure.

When I say closure, I literally mean that I don’t actually know if its over with. theres a very small percentage of me that thinks “Maybe he’ll get back to me and I’ll still get paid?”. I know that isn’t likely, and all of my support structures agree it isn’t either. Yet I still find a way to try and hope and no let go. I want my money. Who wouldn’t, but almost more than that I want the closure. An email saying “I screwed you over, haha” would even be acceptable. Just so I know.

Its the waiting that kills you. Yet I won’t lose hope or even further destroy my trust for the outside world. Yet I am exhausted. I worked my ass off for this prick and I have nothing to show for it. Now he’s going to take my work and put his name on it, and theres nothing I can do about it. I’m angry and I’m disappointed. Most of all though, I’m ready to move on. Thats what this is.

I’m taking steps forward.

 

 

Forward Motion

I find that when you sink your teeth into something that you’re genuinely passionate about, it becomes almost an entity in itself. That is to say that you breathe enough life into something it becomes practically self sustaining. Then you take on the role of caretaker to make sure it can keep functioning in the way you designed it. So it can continue to serve its purpose. The purpose you created it for, whether that be to inspire people or to entertain people, and you get to enjoy it yourself.

That is what my intention is here. I want to put in enough work and enough effort, so that you may find yourself inspired or at the very least entertained. I can’t even put into words how much entertainment and inspiration I myself have gotten from this world. I feel it is only my duty to try and contribute what I can of that same essence into the world. Without Art I truly don’t think there would be much love in this world. Not in the way that you hear a song and can recall your childhood, or see a painting and think of your lover, or to read a book and be transported to a whole new world. 

I think there would be a lot less intrigue as well. Less inclination to give any more of yourself than what was minimally required. So with that, I am here to say, I am giving more of myself than is required. To bring you The Gathering. I am giving it my all, and my everything, and I can’t wait to share it with you. The book itself should be completed this weekend. Then I will edit, and then I will perfect. Once all that is finished, it will be yours to consume, and mine to be proud of. 

Until then; stay inspired and love all kinds of art. Oh, and be weird. It gives others the permission they don’t give themselves to actually express what’s inside. At least it does for me, so maybe I’m just crazy.