Hello? Hello from the other side? Hey?
Hi. I suppose its my fault that I haven’t kept you posted in over a month. I also suppose its my fault that there hasn’t been anything new in the way of vlogs or music in maybe even longer… The reality is I have to be honest with you and say that I have been incredibly lazy. I don’t know what my excuse is, maybe its the winter season and the fact that it gets harder to stay motivated during the season. Maybe I could say that I have been uninspired and had a lack of motivation to truly create anything. Perhaps I could even convince you that I have been absolutely crazy busy with work and a social life…
The truth is as I have said before, lethargy has bred complacency and it has become very easy to just not participate in this thing that I have started. I know how it seems. I worked very hard for a full year, creating music, writing a book, posting vlogs and keeping this website up to date, and then I bailed out. That is pretty much how it seems and I get that. However, that isn’t the complete reality. I have been silently working on some things in the background. I’ve been working on freelance writing with pretty steady work the last few months, which does take a bit of my time up. I have also been toying with new ideas for new music. Also, I’ve been writing some short films.
This last one may seem different and new, but any of you that know me personally may know that film is where my heart does lay, no matter how far from that I may truly stand at this moment. I want to create films, and I want to express visions. I have been working on that for the past while as well. I acknolwedge that I have been away from here for too long however, and I will do my best to keep updates rolling in. As well, I would like to share something special soon. Whether it be a new vlog, a new song, or even a new story. I want to make sure that I stay motivated. I need to shake off this laziness and be proactive again, so hopefully this is a return to form.
Lastly, to expose myself with a bit more honesty. I constantly struggle with how I may come across. Whether it be in my videos or my songs or even these posts. I worry that the messages I want to get across will be lost in translation, and I’ll come across as disingenuous. I hope that isn’t the case, but I guess that shouldn’t be a fear that guides me. I can’t help though and look at the artists that I respect most and wonder how they do things without fear and come out on top. Then I think that they must have fear, but if they do, it doesn’t come across.
I’ll try to work on that and while I do, I appreciate your understanding and patience.
Once we’ve all had our fill of Christmas dinners, presents, and family traditions. It’s time to sober up from the holiday buzz that overcomes us all. Whether you get drunk off the gift giving and holiday cheer, or just the eggnog, it’s a great time to take some self inventory. Did you get what you wanted out of the season?
If your answer is an all around resounding “Yes!” Then I’m proud of you and happy for you! If. It’s not, then why is that? Keep in mind I’m not a therapist or counsellor so I’m not trying to get in your head or solve your emotional problems. I’m trying to open a dialogue. Something I always used to get hung up on was personal satisfaction.
I mean that in a specific way such as, I would only ever find it if I managed to make everyone else as happy as I could over the holidays. Then I’d second guess myself and wind up miserable. It didn’t matter if I KNEW that I did a good job of gift giving or spreading holiday cheer, it would somehow get twisted.
There’s no real solution to this that I can offer you, so instead, this is what I’ve been doing. Try and understand what you’re capable of accomplishing, and then what you’d like to accomplish. If those don’t line up, then adjust your perspective. It isn’t possible to make every single person on your list perfectly happy. Yet it is possible to do the best you can and feel good about it.
As we trek through the last week of this very curious epidemic we know as 2016, don’t get hung up on the holidays. Look forward to the next chapter or the next project. Even the next holiday if that’s your bread and butter. Either way, acknowledge that you did your best, and you’re loved no matter how many gifts you brought to the tree, or how many hours you had to work through this season.
It’s sometimes hard to fathom, but we’re all doing a little better than we’re feeling.
Happy holidays, may you have a peaceful and love filled end to the year.
I have just put the finishing touches on a new song that I have worked pretty hard on the past couple weeks. I hope that you enjoy it and follow me on soundcloud, or show your friends, or just keep it to yourself and vibe out to it. Let me know what you think, and as usual, thank you for spending your time on me!
Visit the “Tetsuo” page for more music.
Soundcloud – https://soundcloud.com/tetsuosdeath
A trend Ive noticed for myself personally is a sort of catch and release situation. In the way of, I save money for something, spend the money and then have to save up again. Alternatively it can go more like spend a large amount on credit, then pay it off, lather rinse repeat. The thing about this seems to be that while its avoidable, its a way of life. We as humans are constantly doing it. I know I am.
With that said, whats the solutions? I feel as though its becoming the kind of thing where we as a society don’t like doing things with our time that doesn’t result in money. I myself feel that pull. Its where art can become a confliction at times. I work a full time day job, as I’m sure all of you do too, and then in my off hours i spend many of my free hours creating art. That art has made me zero dollars, but i spend as much time on it as i could on a full time job. So where on earth is the payoff?
I think for me that payoff is in finishing something that your’e proud of, creating something thats beautiful and completely your own design. Yet, at some point isn’t the point of that to make a living? If that isn’t the endgame then what is your time being used for? Im not saying that you cant do these things purely for enjoyment without any desire for fame or fortune. Im merely wondering how that spent time weighs out in comparison. That famous quote exists for a reason ‘If your’e good at something never do it for free’. I agree with that.
So then, as people who are talented and or gifted, why are we always spending our time for zero compensation? Isn’t that just doubling down on a loss? If the banks started asking you to pay $5 for every transaction you made using your card, would it be worth it in the end? I personally love spending my time on my art, and i get endless satisfaction from it. Although, I would definitely love to turn what is currently a hobby, into a career.
Also, I know not everyone wants to make money on their art. That too is acceptable.
I think that like anything, failure is something we can find ourselves accustomed to. I don’t mean to say in the way of accepting failures; but more in the sense of never reaching for something greater, because we accept that we wont succeed. I think I became incredibly comfortable in that realm of acceptance. Became the type of person who wouldn’t reach unless I knew I could fail safely. Didn’t take any risks unless I knew there was a backup plan. I don’t think this is a great way to live.
Thankfully, I’ve found myself slowly but surely digging my way out of that. Like any comfort zone it gets difficult to truly pull yourself from the depths, yet as with most things, it only gets easier the more you actually do it. Though I may seem to be preaching I’m still no daredevil, though I would argue that I’m at least making choices. That in the end is the hardest part I think. Making the choices that actively put you out of your comfort zone and force you to sink or swim.
Without that knee jerk reaction towards survival the human race itself would never have evolved to this point. Let alone me evolving to a level of actually being able to follow through on something. Heres to taking steps, may all of you push yourselves towards something outside your comfort zone. Find that place that you dream of reaching and reach, reach, reach until you grasp.
I think that one of the most precious resources we have in this world is art. I mean, how many times do you find yourself turning to art? I myself can come up with a lengthy list. I mean who can’t? With that being said, I choose to look at art as something even more precious than gold. The only difference really being that you can create it in your basement, your spare room, your friends living room and even in no room at all.
I worry that people are becoming too easily dissuaded from creating. There is such a huge amount of art circulating out there that one might find it daunting to even think about creating something and putting it out into the crowded sea of everyone else’ work. Which I understand completely. I’m pretty afraid of it too. I mean, here I sit having just finished writing my first novel, and I have no idea what to do next. It’s worse then that though, I haven’t even told that many people. Which maybe is a good thing? I don’t know.
What I do know, is that you can’t stop creating. You have to keep going and keep doing it. Treat it like the drug you cant live without, or the support structure you rely on. No matter what just do it. Thats the one thing I’ve become absolutely certain of. Will I ever become a successful author, a famous actor, or anything related to the art world? I hope so. Should the countless possible end results affect my present dedication to my passions?
I mean what do i really know though right? This is just what works for me. Find your own thing, stick to it, love it, and live it. Please. For you.
There’s a thing I find myself defaulting to more often than not. A habit I have that doesn’t need breaking. A tendency that’s proven valuable and reliant. Whenever I have something that I need to work on, and I really love it, I go for a walk. Wait, I don’t like that as much. I go on a journey. I seek out the answers I need to the questions I have.
I recently wrote a novel called The Gathering. It has yet to be published or any of those exciting things. Yet I have started writing the sequel. It’s a big one and it’s important to me. Here’s the problem. The inspiration I had for the first book hasn’t stretched itself far enough to cover the second. So I find myself at an uncomfortable place. No progress is being made but my hunger to proceed is overwhelming.
Some people say “just write! It’ll come to you”. Those of you who follow my blog know I try and refrain from ‘bad writing’ so I’m at a standstill. In these instances I journey. It was a rainy, windy and utterly dreadful seeming day outside yet I heel toed my way around town. What did I find? Far more answers than I had before.
The story goes on.