In Paradise

I’ve heard people say that the best way to create art is by utilizing your sadness and or pain. Channeling it into something beautiful and meaningful. To take something bad that happened to you or someone you love and making it mean more by immortalizing it. I think I put too much faith in that ideal for too long of a time. It was something I whole heartedly believed in. It felt like it was the right way to do things. Feeling pain felt like home, and being sad was the key to forward motion creatively. That was a dangerous time for me.

When things happen in your life that can change you, or do in fact change you directly. It makes sense to think its meant to be. To believe that its something thats supposed to happen. To feel as though you must now be different, that life is demanding you to be someone else. That is another thing that I believed with all of me. Another thing that I gave up my time for. It becomes a sort of game that you play with yourself. Where you think of the things that hurt you just to see how deep the cut runs. To see how much you can make yourself bleed without ever using a real knife. Self torture isn’t only ever physical, and while that can be fatal, the emotional kind can be too.

Maybe we don’t always know when we’re doing it. Maybe it’s just a thought here, and a thought there, but eventually builds into something different. Becomes a monster that you’ve created yourself, but something thats seemingly impossible to deconstruct on your own. We are capable of creating such wondrous things with our minds, it only makes sense that the opposite is equally as true. So we change and we self destruct, then we rebuild and then we change, only to destroy again.

Until we realize something. Something that took me a long time to realize, but can happily say that I’m aware of. While this life will devastate you, push you, and ultimately end you. It doesn’t have to change you. It doesn’t need to alter the image you see in the mirror, or take away from you the memories you hold dear. It can try, and it will, but it comes down to whether or not your willing to lose. As an artist, I thought it was my job to lose, that sadness was just a rite of passage. While it can be inspirational, it doesn’t have to become a way of life. You’re allowed to smile, you’re allowed to laugh, and most importantly you’re allowed to be happy.

The battle never ends though. If I’m being honest with you, I struggle more than I like to admit. Only the difference is I know that its okay to allow yourself to feel the pain, if you acknowledge that its only for the moment. I have the people that I love who will support me through anything, and I finally feel happiness surrounding me.

Don’t sacrifice your happiness for art. Find a way to exist in a world where you can feel the sun, and still enjoy the rain.


Fainting Spell

Anyone who has ever created anything knows how it feels when you’re at the cusp of completion. When the vision in your head is almost realized in front of your face. When the work you’ve put in is staring back at you. Every artist of every variety knows that feeling. It’s terrifying. 

Will I fuck up? What if it doesn’t work out? What if I did something uninspired? What if nobody gets it? What if my mom hates it? -the questions everyone starts asking at the wrong time. It’s an impossible task to accomplish but it’s at this delicate time that you need to turn off that part of your brain. 

I envy those who can not give a fuck about anything and just do what they want without considering the opinion of others. I’m so stricken with ‘what ifs’ that I could write a book solely on those. Id call it ‘This probably won’t sell’. Nevertheless, I’ve reached the endgame, and I can actually taste victory. So it’s time to jump off the edge I guess and hope I land. 

It’s what everyone says but nobody does. I’m trying to follow this more closely myself. Take a leap of faith. Take a risk. Believe in yourself. It is the only way. 

Forward Motion

I find that when you sink your teeth into something that you’re genuinely passionate about, it becomes almost an entity in itself. That is to say that you breathe enough life into something it becomes practically self sustaining. Then you take on the role of caretaker to make sure it can keep functioning in the way you designed it. So it can continue to serve its purpose. The purpose you created it for, whether that be to inspire people or to entertain people, and you get to enjoy it yourself.

That is what my intention is here. I want to put in enough work and enough effort, so that you may find yourself inspired or at the very least entertained. I can’t even put into words how much entertainment and inspiration I myself have gotten from this world. I feel it is only my duty to try and contribute what I can of that same essence into the world. Without Art I truly don’t think there would be much love in this world. Not in the way that you hear a song and can recall your childhood, or see a painting and think of your lover, or to read a book and be transported to a whole new world. 

I think there would be a lot less intrigue as well. Less inclination to give any more of yourself than what was minimally required. So with that, I am here to say, I am giving more of myself than is required. To bring you The Gathering. I am giving it my all, and my everything, and I can’t wait to share it with you. The book itself should be completed this weekend. Then I will edit, and then I will perfect. Once all that is finished, it will be yours to consume, and mine to be proud of. 

Until then; stay inspired and love all kinds of art. Oh, and be weird. It gives others the permission they don’t give themselves to actually express what’s inside. At least it does for me, so maybe I’m just crazy.

The Gathering

One of the absolute best feelings in the world is when you get inspiration from a new idea and the flood gates open, drenching you with possibilities. That happened to me the other day. I don’t know how many of you have started watching the Netflix original Stranger Things yet, but it is incredible. I had been toying with another story for a while and I watched this series and it hit me all at once. The basic principle of the show involves a group of young kids who become a part of something dangerous. My story is vastly different, with different characters and even set in a different time, but that basic principle was all I needed to get started. 

This story is something I am deeply in love with for another reason, it kicks off a plan I’ve been working on for quite some time as well. My own saga of stories. This is something I have wanted to do since I was a kid, and now I finally have a piece of the foundation. I am very excited about this project and want to share it with you. Below I am going to post a snippet of the story so far, I hope you like it.

I don’t want to give away the story of this or what I want my saga to be. However I will tell you this, I’ve wanted to do something fantastical and horrifying for quite some time. The book I’m currently writing is unrelated, but my plate is getting quite full as it stands. 

Let me know what you think so far, this is only an excerpt of dialogue so far, but all of chapter 1 is finished and I am currently on chapter 2. As you can see the story is the same as the title of this post. The Gathering, It will be followed by a story that I have already written, I will wait to post that one until I have this one wrapped and in the can. The title of the next phase however, I will reveal. It is called The Fall. I look forward to sharing this universe of mine with you, I have worked very hard on it, and plan to keep bleeding more into it. Thank you for your time and your eyes.

Undying Love

I started writing short stories when I was very young. They were vastly different than what you’ll find on this site. I remember I had a series going about a character called “Knight Rider” no affiliation with the talking car. It was this guy who was basically Batman, who rode a motorcycle, like Batman sometimes does. I ended up coming up with the idea that there was a team of them, and they each had different coloured suits. Like the Power Rangers. Those stories never amounted to much and were my only real foray into anything hero related. 

I had another series that I had titled Venom. It was about a chosen one who had to fight dragons, he had a sword etc. Etc. I don’t think I have these note books anymore although I do somewhat wish I did. It would be equal parts interesting and hilarious to read these old stories from the glory days of elementary school. What I do have however, is note books from the last five years. I spent my night tonight transcribing two short stories from paper to keyboard and then have posted them on here. The first one I posted is called “Siren Song” it is a very short little tale I had come up with that is very inspired by post-apocalyptic style films. I would like to do something more with it in the future, and probably change the title. Until then, I hope you find it enjoyable! It’s cover looks like this; 

It occurred to me tonight that I have now posted 8 short stories in total and haven’t updated my page which is supposed to have info about each story. That will need to happen. The second story I put up tonight is called “Such Great Heights” If that sounds familiar to you it’s because that is a song by the band The Postal Service. I really love the song and it’s many incarnations as covers and was inspired to write a story based off of it. I hope you enjoy it, it might come off a touch bit repetitive but I really wanted it to feel organic and genuine. I also wrote it about 2 some odd years ago. I like to think in that time my style/talent has improved. If you need an example then read “Working Title” my most recently written story. 

I also had the delight today of starting another story, one that I am very passionate about and can’t wait to share with you. It won’t be a full novel but it will be longer than a short story. 

I want to also take another second to thank you for your continued support. I appreciate every like, every follow and every comment. I hope to share as much of my writing as I can with as many people as I can and I just hope that it’s something you all find interesting, relatable or even just amusing. Anything at all works for me, it’s why I bother putting it out here at all. Because if I’m being honest, whether it garners any attention at all, it’s something I’ll always do. I have an obsession with it. I’ll go without it for a while, and realize I need it. Then I’ll have it again, and it’ll drive me crazy. It’s been as of yet the longest ‘will they, won’t they’ of my life. I think I’m ready to settle down with it. 

Why fight something you love?

Also, here’s the artwork for that second story I posted.

11:12 PM

Sometimes I make wishes just because I know they aren’t necessarily real. The whole point of a wish is that you want something so badly that you subconsciously create opportunities for yourself to get closer to that specific goal. It’s somewhat self manipulation. Like wishing to be successful. The trick, however, is to be a productive wisher. Someone who makes the wishes and puts in the work. 

I’m what I would call a semi-productive reckless dreamer. This needs to change. Old habits die hard but when a change is needed to be had sometimes you can make an easier adjustment in line with our desires. With that being said, this ties in with a story I just posted. “I’m Here, Often”. A short story I wrote a long time ago as a companion piece to another story that I have posted here called “Transitions”. They don’t really need to be read together, but it can add clarification to certain references made in either tale. 

I plan to post a few more stories in the coming days, which I hope you’ll read and enjoy, as well as continues plugging away at the main objective at hand. I’ve had a couple uninspired weeks in regards to writing and I’m hoping to put that to bed and wake the writing machine. Otherwise, I enjoy connecting with you through these posts. I hope you find them written well and at least halfway intriguing.

Two more things; 

  1. I love writing, I hope that comes across through this site, and I hope you get enjoyment from what I love doing. If not, that’s fine too, I just hope you’re spending your time doing something you enjoy, too.
  2. Here is the artwork for “I’m Here, Often” 

Closer To The Metal

I don’t often talk a lot to others about what it is I do or pursue. I like to keep things to myself and maybe one or two of my closest friends and loved ones. It’s a safety blanket, and I’ve seen too many of my friends make promises to succeed at something and then cringe and feel bad for themselves when they don’t achieve what they claimed they would. 

I don’t know which is worse. 

To never make a statement about your dreams, or over state them. I myself have a vast amount of things I’d like to accomplish in my life. There are many things I want to do and achieve, levels of success I dream of reaching. I’ve learned something lately though. 

I had beers with a friend last night, someone who was vaguely aware of one of my artistic pursuits. As I began to open up a little more about what I truly wanted (maybe I owe a thank you to the Phillips blue buck I was sipping) it turned out we had similar goals and it was mentioned that we should work together. So maybe I’ve been close to the right idea but hadn’t perfected the execution. 

I think I’m getting closer to something. 

Share an idea, find likeminded individuals who dare to dream and create something. Anything. This world we live in, this age we’re apart of is the perfect time to start. Anything is possible. Take a blank page and make it beautiful.