Post.Hiatus/post.readME

Everything is eventual and everything takes time. That is something that sounds both incredibly pretentious but is incredibly true. It is also something that I very much agree with and believe in. The pretentiousness as well as the validity of the statement. I would like to say something like “Hey guys, I know you missed me!” or “I’m finally back y’all, no more wondering!”. However I know that none of you wondered or missed me. For that matter, I know for a fact that nobody even noticed. Which is actually alright with me because it is very low pressure and makes writing this much easier, seeing as it will most likely go unnoticed as well.

My last post was a while ago, but my last post that was actually noticed by anyone was THIS long ago (I apologize for the capitals, but it makes hyper-linking more fun). I would like to point out that it is my grandma that wrote the only comment on that post, and isn’t that the sweetest damn thing? It is. There you go. Despite the length of time between that post and this post, I do feel as though I lost something of myself as I stopped posting here, whether or not anyone was noticing. Nothing crazy significant like my mind or anything. Just a little bit of drive and or motivation. I mean, lets reflect for a second here.

At the time that I was running this website religiously (sorry mom), I was also writing a book, actively making music and also running a youtube channel (not WELL mind you but still doing it). Since then I have not written the sequel, I have made some music, but the youtube channel is otherwise defunct and this website is a sham I say, A sham! Not that I don’t think that despite my absence it still looks and functions nice. Because it does, and you cannot tell me any different because I will fight you. Though you must understand first that my version of fighting is sincerely different than most peoples. Mine consists of ignoring you rather intently while simultaneously checking in to make sure you aren’t still mad at me.

The point I assume that I am dancing around, is that I need structure in my life. Something that I have proven to myself time and time again though in every other facet of my life. Professional, personal and no creative. I have structure on a lot of things that I didn’t in the past and think that maybe now I can engage in the things that truly motivate me and make my heart sing (cheesy, very very cheesy). For instance I want to finish writing my follow up book (maybe actually publish the first one though hm?). I want to make more music, I want to work on my YouTube channel, I want to do it all. Most importantly I want to keep this website from disappearing (I mean I am paying for it after all).

The truth is, life did to me as it does to all, it got in the way. I found myself absorbed in things that both mattered but also didn’t need me to put all other things to the wayside and I got distracted. As well though, I got a job that I thought I wanted, got let go from that job and then had the time to work on these things. Instead however I worked on myself. Something that everyone should get the chance to do a couple times a year (not the getting let go part, just the self work). I realized I can’t drink regular coffee anymore, decaf all the way, and I also finally started putting effort into my fitness. On top of all that I’m reading again and am actually engaged in the world around me. My anxiety is essentially under control. Something I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to celebrate. It was never out of control per se but it was always cropping up and annoying me, so here here to its demise!

With all that though, I do have to say… I have missed you, all of you, whoever has dared read this far into my wandering words and trembling typeface. I really have. I say that I create for you, for me, though maybe I haven’t been faithful to that. In my defence I would like to say that I have been incredibly busy, though I know that that is only true to a certain extent and expectation of that word. So to you I make a promise. I promise to be busy, whether it be working, or living, but never be it an excuse and I wager my life on that. Because a life worth living is a life well lived, and a life well lived is worth like all of the dollars you could ever imagine or whatever man (Damn, almost had it).

Thanks for listening.. er… reading, and please stick around, because though I might not be as much of a mess as I used to; theres still messes to be made, of me and of you, for you, for me.

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Came Back Haunted

Alice woke up at the time she had grown accustomed to. It was 8:45 in the morning and the space in the bed beside her was empty, as she had grown accustomed to. It hadn’t always been like that, and wouldn’t much longer be that way. She rolled over in bed and stared at the calendar across from her. Today was the day he came home. It was marked in a black marker and she had memorized the date. Alice hopped out of bed quickly, with a grace and elegance that could only have been rehearsed carefully. Bounding into the ensuite washroom, she leaped into the shower, and began getting ready for the day.

Continue reading “Came Back Haunted”

Nothing At All

I think that the difference, for me at least, in being a genuine writer or a hobbyist. Is committing full time to a project. It’s loving what you’re doing with all your heart, or just enjoying it. Not to say you can’t love what you enjoy, I think where there’s love there’s enjoyment, but to say that I’ve not always loved what I’ve enjoyed writing. 

The other factor for me, which applies only to me, is that I’ve written many short stories but never anything greater. The biggest accomplishment I’ve had in my artistic journey had been writing several short stories that were linked by one character. It wasn’t anything that original or genuinely inspired. I ended up throwing it out. 

The best example I can give is that this past February I started writing a book. I had a grand plan and a well thought out concept. I dove right in and committed too it fully. I enjoyed wiring it and had a lot fun, but days started passing where I didn’t write a word. Then weeks, and then a couple months, and I didn’t even think about it. 

Then a Saturday afternoon (August 6th) I started typing up what I thought would be a short story. Three weeks later (last night) I finished writing my first full length novel. I loved writing it, the words just flowed and the ideas developed and I’ve never had more fun. I’ve barely slept the past three weeks and I’ve never been more exhausted but it’s felt entirely worth it. I still have many hours worth of editing ahead but I can’t wait. 

I think the point that I’m trying to make, is if you have an idea you love then you should let it consume you. With this art we’re all trying to create, we have to give all of ourselves to it, in order for it to truly bloom. 

Weekly Update

I think what I need to start doing in order to stay motivated is to have a weekly update. Something to let you know what I should be working on, and to remind myself, to work on it. I like to consider how you must feel in regards to the content I’m putting out, and sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re being thought of. With that being said, I do this for me. For me, for you, but for me. I think any artist can understand how that makes sense. If it’s just gibberish, let me know so I can change my websites tag line, much thanks!

Here it goes;

Current Projects

  • Happy Now?
  • Wind burnt 
  • Suffocate

Two of those are shorter stories with Wind Burnt being a sort of third part to two stories I have already put on the site (Which I will explain later). Suffocate is something special, which I will update you on as it progresses, I really need to spend more time on it. 

It has been a slower past couple weeks for me, I caught the Poke Virus as did probably 80% of the world, and I’ve been cat\house sitting for a friend while she’s on vacation. I promise I will be more active in the coming days.

Also, a photo of aforementioned cat will accompany next post, just because why not share a little of my life with you guys. Thanks for checking in with me and I hope you’re all having a fantastic summer so far!